The Flying Turkey

Found this very cute and funny poem at Marti's blog
I don't know for sure if she wrote it, but since her profile says she is a humor columnist, I'll assume, till informed otherwise that she is the author.
I've never had such a traumatic turkey fiasco, but I once survived an attack by an exploding family-sized bag of frozen peas.

The Flying Turkey
The turkey shot out of the oven,
and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table,
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner,
and burst with a deafening boom,
then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
there was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there'd never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl,
there wasn't a way I could stop it,
that turkey was out of control.

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
that I'd never again stuff a turkey,
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.

Make Him an Offer He Can't Refuse.

This Thursday is Thanksgiving Day. We have always attempted to celebrate Thanksgiving wherever we are in the world, with limited success. (Abez, please post a picture of last year's anorexic turkey, Kate Moss.) It was difficult while we lived in Pakistan. The turkey's that looked like normal birds while alive turned into skin covered bones when dressed out. Owl and I both gasped with shock last year when we took our bird out of the bag. It was sooooo thin. I thought the butcher had stolen the breast meat. I asked Owl if she thought it was possible, and she replied, "I thought so too, but look, there're no cuts. This bird was just starved." I never thought store bought would be better than freshly butchered, but this year we are looking forward to our store bought brand name turkey that acutually has meat on it!

This year is our first T-day in the UAE and we were able to find all the ingredients on our shopping list, even the much coveted cranberries that I could never find in Pk. Our traditional menu of time honored family favorites is complete. Turkey, bread stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry relish, sweet potato casserole, homemade dinner rolls, fruity jello mold, pumpkin pie and gingerbread turkeys, one with each person's name written in frosting as a place marker.

Now the only problem is I forgot to invite Mar and Mrs. Abez. That's what happens when your family social secretary gets married and leaves the two hermits alone to fend for themselves. Owl did call KNICQ bhai and invite him, the lovely Mrs KNICQ and their two KNICQ Juniors. Last week, Mrs. Abez and I discussed T-day, but I neglected to specifically tell her that it was coming this week. Today, I called Mrs Abez to remind her, and was shocked to learn she had forgotten Thanksgiving was tomorrow. She insisted she wouldn't miss it for the world, but she wasn't sure whether her HusbandFriend had the time/opening in his schedule. She insisted I call him and invite him directly. I grudgingly agreed. I'm not anti-HF, I'm just chronically anti-phone.

Here's how the call went.

Me: "Hello, this is your Mother-in-law (winning through intimidation.)

HIM: "Hi, Mom. How are you?"

Me: "You are cordially commanded to attend Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. It is one of the three non-negotiable holidays you are required to attend: Christmas and Easter being the other two obigatory feasts days."

HIM: "Okay, we'll be there."

I hope he likes turkey.