Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Redundant American

I just got a new job today!!!It's only a temporary job as a teachers aide while the Kg aide is on maternity leave, but it's a JOB anyway. And, it's within walking distance from home.

I've been unemployed for sooooo long that a few more days and my spirit would have been so broken I would have paid someone to employ me. I don't maintain redundancy well. (For my American readers, redundant is the Brit expression for unemployment and I love the novelty of it. When you combine the American and British meanings the message is; "I'm not only unemployed, I'm useless too!" So true.)

As a Redundant American I sleep too much, I eat too much (especially chocolate to keep up my spirits), I spend money I don't have, I play computer solitaire toooooo much. How much tooooo much you ask...I got carpal tunnel syndrome from it and yet, I keep playing and playing and playing. *twang*-Ouch! I've tried to learn to use the mouse left handed to alleviate the pain in my right hand. I thought it would be easy because I'm left handed, but all mice are made for right hand use and my left hand on the mouse had become my monkey hand.

I got the call from the secretary bright and early this morning at the unheard of hour of 10 AM! The bright and perky (clearly UN-redundant) secretary explained the job and asked if I could come in to sign some papers before noon. NOON! I tried to sound as if I was awake and that being dressed before noon was something I did everyday. It took all my acting skills to pull it off because I was a redundant mess. Last night after playing solitaire and eating leftover Christmas chocolate till 2 am, I went to bed, couldn't sleep from eating too much chocolate, got up and ate a bowl of cherrios thinking that would help me sleep. What a mistake. That revved up my innards so much I spent 2 more hours in bed listening to my heart beat reverberate into my ears like the African drums in the Tarzan movies I watched as a youth.

But, dear Reader, my redundant days are numbered. After being fingerprinted, passing a criminal background check, a TB test and a physical exam I will be certified safe to dance the Hokey Pokey and sing the ABC sing again!